I'm starting to have some really serious doubts about Zack and wether or not I'm doing the right thing in persevering with him. I've had times like this before and come through them and I expect I will this time too. I was talking to a fellow horse owner at the yard yesterday who is fairly new at our yard (though an experienced horse owner/rider) and she told me that in my position she would have sold Zack ages ago. She said that if I can't do what I want on him (in my case, hack out on my own) without feeling nervous or frightened then they are too expensive to keep, when there are plenty of horses out there that would be far more suitable. I love Zack to bits and he has not got a nasty bone in his body but I know he takes the p*** when he senses I'm nervous and generally makes the most of it. I don't think it is helping that I'm out of the saddle at the moment after Fridays fall and dreading hacking out again when I get back on although it will be with someone else and the chances are that he will be fine. We will have a few spooks - thats normal for him and I have started to realise that the fear of him spooking is far worse than the actual reality he just jumps sideways and sometimes canters a few paces and thats it. Anyway I'm rambling now (as usual!) I just needed to get that off my chest and would be very interested in anybody elses opinion - what would you do if you were me? Bye for now Megan
It's hard to say. Only you can make that decision.
I've seen it go both ways. I saw someone who was way overmounted become more and more frightened of the horse until she could no longer ride him. She had her own barn and so simply kept him as a pasture horse; however, from then on she rarely rode anything because her confidence was so badly shattered.
I've also seen people persevere with horses that others told them they shouldn't. Once they worked through their problems, it all worked out.
I think the basic premise for all of us is - are the vices your horse has something you can handle? Some people don't mind a horse that bolts, others don't mind rearing. Both of those things would have me selling the horse in a heartbeat. Now, my boy spins and then trots or canters a few strides and then turns back to face the monster. I'm sure there are some who wouldn't like that. Not that I like it mind you :), but that is something that I can generally sit to and I feel it is something I can handle until he gets more mature and experienced.
So, I think you basically need to decide if Zack's behavior is, in fact, something that you believe you will eventually overcome and that you can deal with in the meantime.
LC, BOY DO I HEAR YOU!!!! After spending 7 years with a horse I tried to fix from rearing, along with a number of very able professionals, I can tell you I made a BIG mistake keeping her that long. I ended up losing her AND my confidence went out the window. Horses are like dogs. Lots of good ones, and some bad ones. You don't have to MAKE this work. Respect that little voice inside you that says, "wait a minute, what am I doing?" I had so many people tell me to keep it up every time I'd have a good ride, but it was always a matter of time before she'd lose her mind again. I rode out rears for 7 years until she finally put me off and hurt me. Sorry, but I love myself waaay more than any equine. Your life and safety is important, including your psychological health. Once that's gone, it translates into every area of your life. Getting another horse is NOT failure. You may just not be the best match. In my opinion, many people I've seen are mismatched for their horses, but they force the relationship until they either quit riding or get hurt or both. I've seen women who've owned horses many many years and the horse won't even stand still on a lead line for them and they get on them and ride. It makes me shake my head. That's not love of horses, it's ignorance. My neighbor sustained a permanent brain injury from his horse that he was determined to ride and he is a very seasoned rider. I knew it was a matter of time as that horse was a nut job on the trai. Anyway, life is too short to wrestle w/ a horse unless you are determined to get them where you want and your commitment is stronger than your fear. As others have said, if it's not fun, make a change and remember, "guilt is optional here".
I agree with Determined. Only you can make the decision to sell Zach. Do not let others sway you one way or the other.
I have a horse that people have told me I should sell. He simply did not turn out to be suitable for what I got him for. Hank the Skank, you've probably heard about him from time to time. He is a one of a kind, that one! I will not sell him for two reasons. One, I love him dearly and selling him would break my heart, and two, he is the sort of horse that would be subject to abuse as there are many people who would try to "break his spirit" in an attempt to turn him into a compliant horse. It cannot be done; Hank's spirit defines who he is, he would turn vicious and retaliate before he ever gave in. I have had him to several horse trainers, NONE of whom could do a thing with him, one of whom DID try to break his spirit and succeeded only in tearing his suspensory ligament (I went and got him after that). Here's the thing though. There is not a mean bone in that horse's body. He's just spirited and opinionated (if you can believe a horse can be opinionated!) and highly intellegent; he also has quite the sense of humor. He is gentle as a lamb. My mom has ridden him. Children have ridden him. The day the bees came after us he tried so very hard to keep me IN the saddle, even when he fell to his knees as they stung him; he did NOT buck with me even though it must have hurt and he would have been justified! There has been more than one day when I went out to the horse corral and stood one the middle and cried; Hank is the only one who comes to me, he lays his head on my shoulder and lets me cry on his while he nickers softly at me. I know that sounds like Hallmark after-school special crap, but it's the truth and I have witnesses. He nickers to me like that all the time (and no, it isn't because I give him treats because I DON'T give that horse treats, they make him nippy!), and he will come to me when I have a halter and halter himself, even if he isn't the one I wanted to catch (ooh, pick me, pick me!). He's the one who is always there to greet me at the gate. He is my friend and I cannot part with him. Hank is a gentle, loving horse; but he has a mind of his own and he will submit to no one. BTW, Hank was not suitable for the purpose for which he was purchased, but after two years of being mad at him (and me), we're doing something different now and enjoying each others company. It was just a question of changing my expectations of him.
I sold another Arab gelding many years ago to a girl in our barn who absolutely loved him and still has him. I didn't get along with him, but she loved him so much that I felt that selling him to her was right.
I gave away a horse named Penny because she was mean. She started out as a pretty good horse, and I enjoyed her, but as time went on she started bucking, and then she started attacking us. She bit my mom so hard that she left a huge black bruise on her arm, through a heavy winter coat! I gave her to an older gentleman who just keeps her for a pet and enjoys her (I understand she bit his wife, though, maybe she was abused by a woman once and remembers!). I don't know why she turned mean, except that I'm guessing she was in pain somewhere, but that horse was dangerous to ride and handle, and your life and limbs are more precious than any horse.
You don't need to keep a horse you cannot work with and are afraid of. There are many good, gentle horses out there. Perhaps there is a horses for you that is a better fit. But if you love Zach so much you can't bear to part with him, then you need to find a way to work with him that both of you can live with. If you aren't taking lessons, then I would get some with a good, sympathetic instructor. Money spent on riding lessons with a good instructor is NEVER wasted! Start out by getting your confidence on the lesson horses, then take your lessons on Zach. Maybe riding a different horse for awhile would help you with your decision to sell or keep him, too. You may also have to change your expectations of what you can do with this horse, like I did with Hank. But if you are dreading riding him or working with him, then that is not good.
I was afraid of my TWH, he was huge and powerful. A real sweetheart on the ground but very flighty, nervous, jumpy, etc. Since my main interest is trail riding I was never able to enjoy myself and relax and it got to the point where I just didn't ride anymore. I did end up selling him. His new owner loves him and and they are a great match. (even though he lives in another state now I still correspond and get updates). At the time I was a wreck but in my case it was the right thing to do. After I sold him I didn't ride for 5 years. I finally couldn't stand it anymore and wanted to ride again (I still had my paint QH mare but she was retired because of navicular and is just a pasture pet).
I knew that I did not want a youngster or a green horse. My goal was to look for a gelding, at least 6 years old that was unflappable, not buddy or barn sour, and laid back. I found this horse in Snickers, my 9 y.o QH. He his just about PERFECT and I can't believe how very lucky I was to have found him (especially since I bought him at an auction!!!) It still took me over a year before I was comfortable riding again with no anxioux feelings (it was all ME....Snickers has been so patient and is always a "good boy"....I LOVE this horse so much)
The "right horse" brings so much joy and the "wrong horse" can bring so much heartache. I feel your turmoil and your questioning on whether this is the right horse for you, it is so hard. Go with your "gut feeling", it is usually never wrong.
I've gone through this with my horse,he sensed my nervousness and became more and more spooky. For about 8 months I wanted to sell him but my family wouldnt let me. I'm glad I didnt as things have improved. The reason I didnt sell him was because I knew he was once suitable for two teenage owners so something had gone wrong for him to be so difficult. It turned out to be a physical problem as well as my lack of leadership.
I think you need to ask yourself what was he like before you had him. Is he a good horse with the wrong owner which, as a result, effected his behaviour? This was my situation but I was able to change to become the right owner for him...or at least I'm working on it. Or is he the wrong horse for the owner (where the owner cannot change anymore because they are the best they can be for that particular horse).
If it turns out to be the first one are you able to change to be the right owner for your horse? Perhaps if you are able to answer this you will know the right thing to do.
Horses are expensive to keep and time consuming yet it can be so difficult to sell one. The only reason I never actually put an advert in for my horse at the time was I couldnt bare the thought of trying to sell him as a "lovely horse" when I didnt feel that way about him myself. Its hard work to sell a horse when you think they are the devil and out to kill you!..lol
You know, I forgot to mention Charly! Charly has no brakes at a canter for a variety of reasons; however, she will not canter unless she is asked. I have worked with her and gotten her to SLOW DOWN; now, instead of running away with me, she slow lopes away with me! LOL! I was so frustrated riding Charly that I gave her to my cousin without a second thought, other than good riddence!
A year passed. Then one summer day I came home from a jackpot and there was Charly standing in my driveway! I was awful glad to see her, as I had no idea what I was going to do for that year's parades....
Charly has become my parade and trail horse, and she's very good at those things, she especially likes parades. She's also great for giving a beginner a lesson on the lunge, even at a canter (it's only when one has reins that she won't stop).
A year away from her (a trial separation?!) cooled my frustrations and helped me rethink things. I love my Charly Horse! We just don't canter much anymore....; )
As I say, maybe some lessons with someone else's horse for a while may help you put things in perspective. Some time away from riding Zach may help you either decide you miss riding him, or decide you never want to ride him again!
LC, really good advice here, especially the part about reframing what your expectations are for your horse. If you have the flexibility to have him for something other than riding and you enjoy him, voila, problem solved. For me, I can only afford one horse so I have to have one I can ride as long as I'm ABLE to ride. I agree with the post that said, no one can tell you what to do. I listened and asked and listened and asked for too long and did not respect my gut feelings because I felt embarrased to "give up" like it was failing. For me it was progress to admit my butt was whipped w/ this horse and it was time to move on. She was also very dangerous around other horses. Anyway, whatever you decide IS the right decision. We all decide for different reasons. My only advice is not to make a decision out of fear or guilt.
Hello again, Thanks everyone for your input. I went up the yard this afternoon when I had a text from a teenage girl who has a horse up there (but it is out of action due to injury) asking if she could ride Zack! She has ridden him a few times before so I didn't mind but I wanted to be there. By the time I got there she had got him in and was grooming him and he looked SO laid back and happy :0) Anyway she had a good ride in the school and then I got on for five or ten minutes - still in a lot of pain (I've 'done' another rib and got a badly bruised hip) but, as is usual in the school, he was as good as gold. Louise is having a lesson on him tomorrow so I might have a chat with our instructor about the situation and see what she thinks. I've heard from other people who have her that she adores Zack and thinks he is an absolute sweetheart. Another friend who is very into parelli also thinks he is a lovely horse (a right brained introvert she thinks!) who just needs an 'alpha' and needs to know that he is safe out with me. At our old yard I heard that most people acknowleged that he was the 'nicest' horse on the yard. All of which I think points to ME not being a good enough leader for him rather than HIM being a 'bad' horse. I must admit that just the THOUGHT of selling him reduces me to tears but I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to be able to go out either on my own or with someone else without the heart pounding and the palms sweating and just ENJOY the ride. Although on the 95% of rides that go well even with spooks etc it always gives me such a boost when we get back without any major incident. I'll keep you posted on what we decide to do. Thanks again for all of your thoughts and advice. Bye for now Megan
I had a lovely personable and willing gelding that I broke from a colt. When he turned four I decided I wanted to hack more so I moved to a barn with more trails and great new barn mates. Exciting stuf? Boy! Was it EVER!
Every ride there was "something" and I came to dread the little dramas. No arena at the barn so if the weather was bad we couldn't ride - NOT GOOD! I tried all winter and spring to work out the kinks but it became clear my choice would have to be move to a barn with an arena so he could have long daily workouts, get aother horse, or give up riding. (Which was seeming like a more attractive idea to me with each passing ride.)
In April a wonderful facility asked me if I was interested in selling "hottie" and in a vale of tears, but thinking about my need not to worry every ride about being injured, I did.
I found a quite green but so, so centered OTT Standie who had been backed and hacked but nothing else. We are taking dressage lessons (On the bit with a little bend! Long wyay to go!) and hacking our a$$es off sometimes alone, sometimes with the whole gang. I adore him!
Ironically "hottie" is trucking kids around twice a day in group lessons and is good as gold, but there was no way I could give him that kind of exercise. (I now have visiting rights, which is nice, and since we don't have an arena I'm hoping to take lessons on him on winter evenings!)
"Hottie" wasn't quite right for what I needed and I sure wasn't filling him with confidence. Now he's is getting the structure and attention he needs and my new guy has a quiet life with his very own owner, which he seems to be in favour of because he's so easy to deal with on the ground and under saddle.
Anyway, long story short - Follow your gut. Everyone told me I could work through my issues because they knew I loved the horse and they wanted me to be successful but I think instincts probably don't lie. It wasn't a good fit.
I learned it's GREAT to keep trying but determination won't fool a horse into thinking his rider is the leader if they don't REALLY feel that way when they're on board. On the other hand, there may be a horse out there that is a better fit for you, and you might find yourself very quietly and happily in charge again. Just a thought!!
This is a tough one..but if you are dreading hacking out with him, which is what you want to do, then he is not the right horse for you at this time. So you can either sell him, or keep him and hack or lesson on another horse to try and build up some confidence, while maybe doing groundwork with Zack.
Sometimes the fit just isnt right. I was in a similar situation and decided not to stick with the horse cause he was too green, though a great horse who I really liked. I found a 13 year old paint who has been there and done that, and I feel much more relaxed. Do I regret not having the first horse anymore, and working through things? Yes, actually...but I know it was the right thing for where I was then, psychologically and experience-wise. I couldnt afford financially to keep both, which is what I kinda really wanted to do.
Oh Megan I feel for you - its a stinker when you get attached to them, especially when they're good "most" of the time and you feel so connected with them. I think if YOU think that you can work out the issues you two have, and you are willing to sacrifice doing what you want (hacking out) in order to "put the time in" to get Zack where he needs to be and get you where you need to be, then you can. If you're having doubts, that's not usually a good sign, regardless of what other peopndle him and he seems happy with riding him makes you feel good then maybe that's a sign. When we sold my paint he hadn't been ridden in 6+ months, the girl got on him and off they went... he did it all for her... and that was my last image of him and when I get sad I picture that and it makes it seem better. Look at your options and weigh it out, just know that if you do decide that you two aren't a good fit, its not your fault or his, you've just got to do whats right for both of you. Good luck!
Today was interesting :0) Louise had her lesson on Zack this morning and I had such a laugh (it really hurt the rib!!) He was in an ULTRA laid back mood to such an extent that Louise was trying to get him to trot and he was doing a few half hearted paces and going back to a slow plod. The instructor asked if there was a crop about and there wasn't, so she found a bit of stick in the hedge and handed it to Louise who just toched him with it and his head shot up, his ears went forward and his eyes went very wide and it was like 'oh my god she MEANS it!!' and after that he did not put a foot wrong. On a more serious note re my previous posts I KNOW I can't part with him. I've talked to Louise about it and she feels the same. If money were no object I would have another one as well but that is totally out of the question but Lorna ( the girl who rode him yesterday) said I could ride their horse ( when he's got over his injury) any time. He is also an OTTB like Zack but younger and is better out in the open. I will have a chat to her father about it because Jo is really his horse but I'm sure he would be fine about it and it gives me another option. Its food for thought anyway. Thanks again. Bye for now Megan
