I just wanted to take a leap here and ask the dreaded question of you all. Do any of you ever find yourself having second thoughts about having a horse. This morning as I was mucking the corral I was. It seems like my last horse bad ownership experience and then not having a horse for a year and a half, I've definitely lost some of my "drive" to make this work. Now, I think I have a workable horse. There's a lot he doesn't know but he has a much better temperment. On the other hand I can't say we've really bonded yet and there's days I don't feel committed to working through this to the point where he's a good reliable trail horse and I can once again have great rides w/ my gal friends whom I miss. With working long full time hours my weekends are precious and full of demands. Sometimes it feels like a chore planning what I "have to do" w/ him on Saturday mornings, especially since a number of times when we'd planned to ride, he had other ideas so we had to drop back several steps and do groundwork, etc. I beat myself up for feeling fearful, and then for feeling unmotivated like I used to be. I used to get up at 5 and drive 30 minutes to my friend's house to ride her mustang which I did for a year and I loved it, but I hadn't had my bad horse experience yet and I was always safe. Anyway, I've felt too embarrassed to voice this to my friends whom I'm afraid wouldn't understand because horses are such a huge part of their lives. I guess I'm trying to say that I want to have the enthusiasm I used to have and I fear I won't get it back. I do have the desire to do this, but is there enough drive to make it happen. Maybe it's like having kids. Sometimes we get to enjoy those wonderful Kodak moments at grandma's, but a lot of the time it's thankless hard work but well worth it in the end.
Everyday, I am asking myself the same question. What am I doing with 5 horses, and I can not seem to get at working with them.
You know what I did? I questioned myself on why do I have them? Would it be ok for me if I did not have any horse in my life? Can I live with the fact that 3 of my horses never will be broke? Can I see them go to a new home?
Well, I found out that I can not live without them. They are familly, they seem quite happy to come and say hi to me, been brush and fossed over. They have a nice corral to run around. Myself, yes I have a full time job, I have a son, and yes the weekends are way too short. I feel guilty for not having them been ridden. SO WHAT! Do they care? hell no! as long as it is not a shore for you to go say hi and to spend some time on the ground with him. If you find it is hard to go spend a few minutes a day to see him, not to ride him, maybe you have to ask yourself and be truth to you and nobody else. Once I have decided that I AM ok with them been just pets fine by me. I will not let nobodyelse tell me different. They are love, and very well take care of, I that what is important to me.
On top of that, it is because of them that I have to go outside, I get some exercice, fresh air (yes even in the minuses).
All I am saying is be thrue to yourself, not your friends etc. Are you happy just to be with him? well try to get wray of that guilt, and try to know your horse better and bound with him with a good scrach!
When my ribs start to really ache I wonder. I'm not fortunate enough to have any one to ride with where I board at. I have to go elsewhere to have any riding time, especially where Chance is not broke yet. I wish I knew of some one that would let me go riding with them. Even just for a trail ride would be great. But, that is the price you pay for living out in the country, working a full time job, and being a mom.
I sure have plenty of moments where I ask myself what on earth I think I'm doing! Especially when I feel down and discouraged because things aren't going too well. Don't kick yourself for feeling that way. Riding is difficult. Horses are intellegent creatures that have their own minds and ideas. Not every day and every ride is going to be roses and song. You either love horses so much that the few wonderful WOW moments are enough that you are willing to live with the not so good moments, or you sell your horses and start riding a bicycle.
Please try not to feel discouraged! You've had a bad experience with owning horses because of your mare; it's going to take time for you to get over that; many others in your situation would have given up on horses. I don't have the enthusiasm I once did, either. I think for those of us chickens, it's because it takes so much out of us emotionally to work with our horses that it's physically draining as well. It really is WORK, and many times I have to make myself go ride, even though I want to go ride, it feels like it's too much effort.
You've only had this horse a short time. It will get better, and he will get better, and you will get better.
FLYINGMANE, thanks. I actually felt guilty reading John Lyons book that says basically that horses are expensive and if you're not willing to work w/ them and give them a job, buy a book or something along those lines. I don't have a big place that my horse can just graze in pasture all day and my main reason for owining him is to ride and enjoy the company of my girlfriends. Horses are expensive as is feed and I don't really want him as just a pet. I want to build that relationship w/ him. When I didn't have a horse, I would look out there at my barn and say, "why in the world do I have this if I don't have a horse. I may as well tear it down". Many times we got close to using the area for my husband's construction junk but I held out and cleaned it out for another horse. I was so happy. I love looking out and seeing him eating and loving life which is so much better than where he came from. He's put on weight and seems happy. I just know that time=progress and when I see all this Parelli "perfect horses" stuff, I know better that they have spent hundreds of hours working those horses to get them to respond like that. If I want mine to be safe and responsive I may have to do the same. I'm hoping for more posts so I can see what others have experienced.
I also read a story that John Lyons tells about a woman who gets immense satisfaction with being with her horse at feeding time twice a day. She has no desire to ride him, and if she felt pressured to ride him, she'd probably avoid the barn because she felt guilty. John says that's okay, too. You do NOT have to ride your horse to enjoy him!
I agree with Meezer, everything is so much work because like she said it is asking a lot of us to go there and work. Like today thought, I had a wonderfull time with my old horse. For two years she wanted to express someting to me but I guess I was not ready to listen to her. I was too rapted up in my guilt and feel sorry for myself. Two years, yes it is very long, but what I got out of this today is priceless.
How old is he? gelded? How long do you have him? Is he by himself? sounds like he had a bad experience before he met you, give both of you time. Take lesson with a trained horse maybe? Learn more about ground stuff perhaps? Do not give up! he might have had bad past, and so have you, I am sure it will pay off, even if you do not think so rite now.
Hi Cathy, Having horses is definitely a job/hobby. A time consuming, money hungry one at that... but you really need to look inside yourself and weigh out the pros and cons, make a list... what you like to do, what you don't like to do. I actually like shoveling poop, feeding, watering (except in the winter) and all that fun stuff... I like to doctor them and groom and give haircuts... just sit in the barn and listen to them chew. Sometimes I definitely question my choice... like when its 5 below, there's 3 feet of snow, the wind is ripping through the barn and my hands are going numb while I empty ice buckets and fall on my duff and get cold/wet/angry... or when its 90+ degrees and I'm covered in hay chaff, arms ready to fall off throwing 50# bales on the conveyor and sweating into my sunglasses... yeah I definitely question my sanity. But I've always loved them, always known I would have them, and even if I don't ride them or we don't have time to work them I enjoy their presence and they get good care. Yes they get in the way of things I also enjoy doing... but when I do get to ride it makes it all worth it. I spent a lot of time stuck with a horse last year that was not workable for me, I was stubborn and proud and convinced I could "fix" him... I really got down on myself about it and finally when I made the decision to sell him I would barely go to the barn, I couldn't stand being around them at all... maybe guilt, mostly frustration... I took a break and stuck with my good solid drafts (thank god for my girls, they kept me loving horses despite all my problems) and now I've got a horse, he's not perfect by any means, he's wilful and needs to learn whoa... I'm still nervous but I can get on him and ride... I'm not ready to take him out on the trail yet... but I'm getting there, we're making progress and that's worth a lot. Regardless of what your reasons are... if you're going to have horses it should be FUN!
My gelding is 12 and from the Indian reservation. I've had him since mother's day. I try not to get too cerebral trying to figure out if he was abused, etc. I met lots of folks who spend lots of time trying to figure that out and it seems to lead them to making excuses for their horses and them. So, I'm just trying to accept him where he's at, which is head shy, terrified of fly spray, and in need of better ground manners, and more trail saavy. Not big stuff compared to my last experience. I feel better hearing from you all. That's what makes this board so wonderful. When I didn't have him, I missed "being in it". I missed his smell, and the smell of the manure (crazy huh?), and hearing them eat, play with the dogs, whinny, treks for annual hay filling my barn, etc. I felt guilty wearing a cowboy hat because I didn't feel like a cowgirl anymore...more like a wanna-be. ha ha I've met so many wonderful people in this business and I felt distant from them too. Anyway, perhaps this is part of my 51 year old hormones screaming that cause me to be crabby some days and others elated. We can become such whiners. But anyway, overall this is what I want, I just worry I'm not spending the time I need to get him where I want and so each weekend we start all over. My weekday options are really limited due to my work hours. bla bla bla. Anyway, thanks so much. You are all such wonderful gals. Cathy
I thought I was the only person crazy enough to like the poop smell! ouf!!!
We love our horses bad enough when we like to scoop the poop, the horse's smell (they should make a special parfum for that) I love just laying down in the hay, sun on my face and them around me eating with no care in the world. Yes there is mosquitos, the cold, the too hot weather etc. But, my oh my, life is good! no really! how many times do you catch yourself with a smile on your face? I know I get that often!
You are very rite Cathy about the past! you have him now and see for what he is NOW. You are rite that people try to find excuses for them. My mustang, was, and still is ears shy, and forget about the fly spray! We have work hard and long on his ears, I can say that he is 80% better then before, I can pet his ears, altought not the inside. I did lots and lots of approched and release. I was watching his reaction every time, give him a couple minutes to realise that he was still a live and back at it, up and down on his ear. I have worked with blanckets, balls etc.. anything that I could find to show him that I was worthy of his trust. Sometimes he has good days and some not so good. You have to think that he is aloud to have bad days too! if you feel frustrated for any reasons, let everything for the next day. DO NOT play with that quind of horse when you do not feel good yourself! nothing comes out rite anyway. I know when I see no improvement, I get upset. I call it off until next time. And often, the next time he is better! because he had time to "digest" your idea!
I bought a book not too long a go on the personnality of the horse. Each horse, like us has a personnality. I have a clown, I have a couple snobs and I have the type of horse that just does not like to be fuss over. My old girl is like that. She will have none of it! no petting no lovidovi stuff. I used to take it personnaly, ho she does not like me blabla... but she is just not the cute and coddly one, she is a sweatheart in her own way, would not hurt a fly, just live her alone with that muchi stuff! again, took me that long to figure it out! hell! I saved her from dying from hunger, (she was 200 lb under weight)at least she could do is to turn the favor a little! yeap! two yrs, to figure my poor Lady. Imagine if I had sold her because she is a pain at times? I would not have this wake up call! saying hey! you have a great mare in your backyard!
Sorry! I still feel high from last night. Me and the old girl had an awsome experience. It is like if I got a cold bucket over my hot head! My eyes are wide open, and with that, my heart, my soul. I AM ready for more now. I have to beat this ugly beast of mine, called scared of everything in the saddle. I hope that you will give yourself time and maybe you will get a cold bucket too!
sorry for been so long. Sorry for my bad english....
I bonded with him within a few weeks of getting him but it only lasted a few weeks. It took me a whole year later to bond with hime again. The intial bond had broken with him as he became scarey, defiant, suspicious and not happy to be stroked around the face. His mucking out, rug changing etc was just another "job" that had to be done. I was scared of him and disliked him and had no fun with him. I rode him less and less until I stopped.
Even now some days I love him more than others. Some days I feel so connected to him I could climb on him bare back and helmetless and ride off into the sunset. (I dont, of course, I've never even rode bare back in my life!) Other days I feel like he shuts me out, although in reality hes just walked away from me rather than spend time being patted.
Some days he will greet me, other days he wont and I wonder whether I should worry. However I felt very pleased with the progress we made when a loud noise in the field made him and his buddy panic and run off. My horse ran off but swept around in a circle and came back to stand right next to me even though it was near where the loud noise had occurred just over the hedge. He stood behind me overlooking my shoulder and I realised that although he was really scared, he chose to leave his buddy and come to me for protection. That was a real break through for us.
I have to board my horse at a stable, I work full-time and only have week-ends to ride. Of course other obligations, home improvements, trips get in the way but I TRY to ride at least once a week. During the winter it could be a month before I get to ride. Is it worth it!! You bet!!
I've given up trying to get my horse to be "Parelli" or "Lyons" perfect! I don't have the time and it's never going to happen. It doesn't matter to me whether he's collected, has a perfect head set, takes the right lead, etc. etc. We are just happy riding the trails and being "Pals". I got to speak to John Lyons when he had a clinic here last spring. I had been feeling guilty that I'm not spending enough time training my horse. He told me that if my horse did not have any major issues that concerned me (which he doesn't) that I already had the "perfect horse" and that I should just get on and "RIDE and have FUN". So I do and I am. :)
Oh, you all are so awesome. What words of wisdom and I'm feeling way less craaaaazzzzzy now. I can really relate to the one day kinda cuddly to the next not and I take it personally like an ego-maniac. You know the more I think about it, I think my horse is sweet but not the cuddly type either. He doesn't like being fussed over. When I pet his neck, he'll stand it for awhile and then turn his head away. On the other hand I can pet the rest of him all over and he seems to love it. He walks to me often but again keeps his distance at times. Actually a breath of fresh air from my mare that I mistook always pushing into me for being "lovey". It was dominance but I learned too late. Anyway, God Bless you all for your wisdom and Snicker's mom I'm relieve that that's what John Lyons said. I think a lot of us have that guilt. Remember the Parelli saying, "your horse has a clock on him that's ticking and every hour that goes by and you're not working....bla bla bla" more guilt so that's been in my head for the past 10 years. I do get the jist of what they're saying. You can't expect to never ride your horse and then just get on and kick and go w/o issues but the daily schooling for my lifestyle isn't an option.
You say sometimes that your boy will come and great you and sometimes he will not.
Next time you go see him try to see what YOUR feelings are when you go at the gate. Are you frustrated with your day, are you just happy etc... I think they pick up on that.
I am asking you that because I noticed or read it somewhere, that they pick up on your mood. I have 5 horses, and when there is no one coming over to say hi, I wonder what in that moment my feelings are. I realise that I did not have a good day or got angry at my son etc, and I bring that at the gate with out knowing it. Often, it is me that is just been a little grumpy etc. They will not bother with me. On the other hand, I found when I am sad, they seem to come all and say hi. I know I am a weird french woman!!! Maybe I am losing it! please tell me!
I have those horses some of them for 3 1/2 yrs. And I guess because they are in my backyard, we had a closer relationship, I know a little more everyday about them, and I am sure they pick up on me too!
There have been many times in the last three years when I wished I had never set eyes on my horses. Not because they're not lovely but because they were the source of all the pain and fear. All I did was shovel poo and be led round in a panic. I seriously contemplated giving them away. Now, I love them to bits. I wouldn't part with them unless something absolutely catastrophic happened and I couldn't look after them. I want them because I'm not scared of them any more. Working with them is usually fun, sometimes frustrating and sometimes still scary (asking for canter) but not too much. They have been part of my on-going journey to recovery and the abolition of that beating myself up. I think it's hard to enjoy your horse when you're really scared. But in time the fear diminishes and is replaced by a tremendous buzz. Hang on in there gal! ---------- Bitless - not witless!
I have had my highs and lows with Chance as well. Some days he will greet me at the gate, others he will look at me with wide eyes an ears up. He always lets me approach him and pat him before going to the barn. Sometimes we don't progress as far as I would like with the ground work but every small step in the right direction is a good one. I worked with him on sidepassing along the fence the other day for the first time. He did very well where it was a new concept. He went a step the way I wanted him to and he was rewarded. He has become part of the family. He is possessive though. There have been a few times we have brought a couple of our friends to the stables to see him. He will walk in front of me and push me away from our friend. Maybe he is seeing some thing us "humans" can't. I let him judge our friend's character for me. If he stops me from following them out of the paddock I keep a weary eye on that person. (I should have listened to my mare all those years ago. I never would have gotten married to the now x. She had it right when she chased him out of the barn like a heard mare would when reprimanding a youngster.) You live and you learn. :)
Thanks so much. I THINK I'm cognizant of how I approach the corral, but I imagine there's times I'm not in the best of spirits. I hear you about the sad thing as it does seem they know when you're down. I'm encouraged that the enthusiasm does come back. Yesterday when going out to feed he was definitely getting pushy. I pointed at his butt to move out of the way so I could have space to feed and he kicked out, bucked and ran off. So we worked in there until he was lending his hind end away from me and dropping his head. I worked on his bolting the minute I take off his mask by putting on a halter underneath and he stood still, but the minute I tried to get that to translate to taking it off w/o the halter underneath (which isn't practical as I don't like leaving halters on horses) he was back to bolting and running off. He seems aloof in some ways. I'm off next week so plan to get to know him better, do some ground work and ride him in my neighbor's paddock. Thanks for all your stories. I so appreicate them.
My foxtrotter, Doc, is VERY affectionate...an "in your pocket" kind of guy. When I purchased my Spotted Saddle Horse, Poco, the seller was concerned because he (Poco) was not an overly affectionate horse and she thought that might disappoint me. Well, Poco came and was not standoffish, but was also not "in my pocket" like Doc. One year ago, he got into the grain and foundered. He was confined to a stall and the vet told me to spend time "loving on him" and bonding with him which I did. Now, one year later, he has recovered and I JUST got the okay to start riding him this week...Yea! But, through the year, he did become more affectionate. Now, when I go out back, I have TWO horses all over me! There were many days when all I did was feed and run back inside (winter time). There were also days when I held on to him tightly and cried...begging him to fight and get well.
Depending on his past history (which you don't know), he may never be an affectionate horse. But, that doesn't mean he can't learn to trust you. It will just take time. When you get discouraged, look back and see how far you have come. You HAVE made progress and will continue to if you hang in there. I still think a session with a good trainer can get things "unstuck" and advance you and Pecos forward. He IS a good horse...he just doesn't know much yet.
And yes, I have wondered from time to time how my life would be different if I didn't have my 2 horses. But, I can't think of a suitable substitution and I think my life would be very empty. They have taught me so much...
I couldn't believe it when my mare did that either. I was completely dumbfounded when that happened.
Chance and I are getting there. I try not to rush him but I do find I am e-mailing the trainer a lot to keep the progress moving forward with him. We do get along extremely well. He does like to cuddle and nuzzle. He has stopped me from walking away from him a couple of times. When I go to leave the stable every night, and if he's still outside, I invite him to walk beside me to the gate (with no lines attached). Usually he is very happy to take the short walk with me and enjoys being patted before I leave for the night. (I rough board him so I see him every day.) We will find that "perfect" middle of the road. It will take time and a lot of love but we will get there. :)
I'm so glad I found this post. Lots of family stuff has kept me away,and I'm so glad to have revisited. This is an awesome site. It's great to hear so many others feeling the same way. I feel guilty for having moved to a horse property and having 3, and basically doing nothing since we've moved here. Partly because of life getting in the way in general, partly because the new place has taken so much work, partly because of injures, and partly because of apprehension - waiting for the "perfect" scenario. You know, a day that's not too windy, not too buggy, not too hot, etc., etc. I get frustrated because a few years back, when I bought my first horse, I had NO fear. I was completely confident and had a ball. It was an accident where I listened to someone else instead of my own voice and I ended up getting thrown, fracturing my spine, that changed everything. It's humbling to see how fast you can lose something so precious. I wish I could go back to the second before I said "ok" when I knew I shouldn't, but I can't. So, I'm now trying to muddle through, do what I can, and feel good about whatever progress I do make. Julie Goodnight has a great CD on just this issue, and I've listened a number of times and tried to remember some of her advice. Be happy with any kind of progress. Hang in there. Take it step by step. You'll get to a place where you're comfortable and happy and content. Keep the faith! (am I talking to you or me? hard to say :) )
Boy, I can totally relate to your post! Between the cost, the hour drive, and getting hurt- you bet I have feelings of ambivalence. Just having a relationship with my boy on the ground is amazing. I know if I could have him at home, I wouldn't feel this angst. I think no matter what you do or have in life, there is always a flip side, ya know?
JP62/Babyboomer, thanks for your posts. Yes, there's always a flip slide. So true, how we'd like to go back to before whatever's happened happened. I think we'll get there tho and he's made some nice recent progress, NOT RUNNING OFF WHEN I TAKE HIS FLY MASK OFF, and standing longer to let me pet him and talk to him. We also had 4 good rides last week w/o another horse (sometimes w/ a walking companion) but he did pretty well, and I relaxed. I'd like to add one thing here that may just apply to me but I think it's worth saying. As a therapist, a good number of my clients get better from just being heard; someone being "with" them (not as a teacher or expert)to help validate w/o analysis where they're at, regardless of whether they've had the same experince or not. As a horse woman, I often need just that, when I'm feeling scared/apprehensive. People giving advise, or telling you what to do....to get a trainer, this, that, can at times just add to the guilt as one feels that there's one more thing they haven't done, or done enough, or right, or thought of. After my 7 year experience, that leads to avoidance and discouragement. My point is that what happens after a bad incident or in my case numerous bad incidents, is that you first blame your horse, and then spend the rest of the time blaming yourself and replaying all those tapes in your head of would've, could've, should've. What I absolutely know is that, getting past fear is MUCH LESS a matter of a trainer, technique, education etc. than it is something else that I cannot exactly explain but have definitely experienced. It's just a place you get to and I honestly cannot credit it to anything I've done specifically. I have had good training, advice, etc. but all that went out the window when I got hurt because fear defies logic/understanding, sometimes training. I've discovered fear can even transcend other people's success stories, meant to encourage. So we all need to be cognizant of what some like me are really saying/asking here on this wonderful board. I get the most boost from people saying, "been there, and I get where you're coming from" rather than, "I think you should do this, that", even if it's with the best of intentions. Sometimes we are definitely asking advice here, but I was not primarily attracted to this board for that reason, as there are many infomative sites. Rather, it was for the common experience of fear as eqestrians, that by being shared, validated, gives us the courage to hang in there and try again, when we decide, "enough's enough" and determine to ACT despite it.
I realy liked your last post. You have described exaclty what I am feeling. I have gain a lot from this site.
I took a lesson last night for the first time since my last fall, no I did not have my own horse, but I got a very gentle mare. I was able to TROT!!!!! I was just in "aaaaa" if you know what I mean. I was so relax after that! The trainer lady told me a few things so I could have a better experience and ho my! After that ride, I was looking at a horse that my friend had in a lesson with me, he was a little shit pump..(sorry my french) I had the thought of riding him, just because! now, no I did not do it, I am very cautious, and I would like to enjoy the good moments thank you very much!
To night I will probably ride Diego. In a little bit bigger space then the round pen. I will tell you then how we did...
Flyingmane: Good for you! I'm so glad you had a good lesson. That's a much needed boost for the confidence, isn't it?
Cathy: People who have never experienced fear don't get it and never will. The people with the advice are well-meaning. They don't intend to make anyone feel guilty. But they haven't been there. It's all well and good to get some training for your horse, but all the training in the world won't help at all if you're afraid to ride. Period. Been there, done that! That's why if someone is having a proplem they just can't work through on their own, I suggest lessons with an instructor that understands fearful adult riders. Unfortunately, these are very hard to find. Sometimes a horse just isn't suitable for someone either, and they can gain confidence on another, but sometimes that's not the case either. Like I said on another thread, no one can tell you whether you should sell your horse. It just isn't that black and white for some of us. Sometimes the solution is to keep the horse, but find something different to do with the horse (my farrier wholeheartedly agrees with that philosophy, BTW; he says if I ever give Charly away again just because I don't like to canter on her, I'm in the soup, and my uncle says the same!). No one has the right to make you feel guilty for not doing with your horse what THEY think you should. You should do what YOU think you should, or what you feel you can handle, and not worry about what others can do. I only wish those others, the non-fearful riding population, could ride their horses and let me ride mine. I was told by someone once that people like me didn't deserve to have horses (because I was too timid to bring them to their "full potential," whatever that means). That particular barb still stings. A lot. And, in case you couldn't tell, I am the queen of guilt over not being good enough for my horses. That's why I left this board for a while (about a year ago), because I felt so awful and guilty and horrible that I had done the wrong thing for poor old Beau that I wanted to quit riding. I did quit riding for a while. But then I decided that since I DID have these horses, I'd better darn well get my butt back on them. Poor old Beau, I never got the chance to ride him again and make things all right with him, though.
I've always been a big chicken and always will be (which my non-chicken friends don't quite get; they get frustrated with me because I am still fearful after all these years and I don't ever seem to improve; they can't understand that). But I was doing okay for a while. Then that one stupid comment about not deserving horses hurt so much and got me so down I lost all the momentum I'd gained over the years and I was so down and discouraged when I joined this board I was ready to give up on horses, life, everything. That comment made me really question whether I DID deserve to have horses and ride. Now I tell my husband on my way out the door to the barn, "So long, I'm off to ride the horses I don't deserve." ; ) I can make all the jokes I want, it still hurts. And then when I left the board, it brought all the hurt back, about not deserving to have horses, and I was right back down in the gutter again. That's why I've so resisted getting a green horse. I figured I'd just screw the horse up because I don't have any confidence in my ability to train a green horse. I think in that regard, finding out my new horse is actually not broke and having to come to terms with that and actually TRAIN the beast is going to be good for me. I can't hide or run from that particular fear issue anymore! I just hope that I can rise to the occasion. She's already proving to me that SHE can!
Congrats on the improvement with the fly mask issue! I hope that gives YOU a big boost in your confidence!
My GOD! You do not know how much you sound like me. I mean that I was told pretty much the samething, why having those horses at the back of my house and not riding them. I, like you, was ready to sell everything, all 5 of them for the reason that I was too scared to do any training for my colts, in case I could ruined them. I got very depressive, I did not know where to go, who to talk to until, by accident I found this site.
I think, I have forgotten how much I did with them since they were 6 months old. I got in this without ANY experiences at all at training horses, I never own horses before, so imagine youngsters! I had forgotten that I WAS the one who thought them, how to get the halter on, walk on a lead without crowding, how to stand still while been brush or taking care of their hooves with out having them attached to a post, get in the trailer without a fuss, to be good for the farrier and the vet. They are amazing boys. I want to keep going in their training, I am just very cautious in how I will do the next step, wich is riding. To this point, I took everything very slowly, why stop now?
AND, it is because of this site, that I continue the long road of ups and downs of my every day struggle with my fears of riding. I am working very hard to understand what I can do to overcome all this. I might never will be able to, but I can say that I did not give up on them, not given up on ME. Self esteem is a beautifull but very fragile thing, we have to take care of that, some of us more then others. I think we all are too hard on ourself, by feeling guilty, letting other people hurting us by those words "you do not deserve them etc" what are they doing better then us? do they spend quality time with their horse, or they go to see them to ride and send the horse back to his stall? I am very proud to be where I am with them today. I am so happy that I have not given up on us, given us a chance to have little miracles happen once in a while.
That is why I keep my horses, all five of them. They are my pride and joy, they are my little miracles. This is what we should look at, nothing else.
Well, I do intent to keep him. As I've said before he's not the problem. I actually have less anxiety between rides than when riding a lot of the time; just the fast-forwarding in my mind of what can happen. And I've had to take a break from this board at times because just reading about other's accidents gets me back to the "what if..." and I don't want that. Anyway, I'm glad I'm in good company. Meezer, I can't imagine you not having a horse. It seems like such a part of who you are. Too bad anyone ever told you that. Cathy
